Monday, July 18, 2011

Not Letting Fear Decide

I recently discovered that I make far too many decisions out of fear. Once I realized this, I could see it everywhere. Opportunities present themselves and many time I have let fear decide what I do with the opportunity.

Last month I completed my first course on my way to becoming a Co-Active Coach. It was painful. The teaching set-up consisted of 26 chairs in a circle, and we were all put on the spot at least a couple of times, in front of the whole group. Not my idea of fun. Not even my idea of comfortable. But do you know what? I lived in the feeling of fear all the way through the weekend and was proud of myself for sticking with it and pretty much forcing myself to go through it. I didn't give up, or throw in the towel. I didn't let fear decide.

At the course I, along with the other participants, considered our options going forward. There would be a few more courses to take before we could be certified. That's when fear kicked in again. It began with me thinking that, as an introvert, perhaps this method of teaching "just wasn't for me" and maybe I needed to consider another school with more of a lecture-style format. But as I sat with this idea, and as the weekend unfolded and I was stretched and pushed beyond my limits, I began to wonder if maybe this uncomfortable learning method was actually really good for me.

I spoke to one of the volunteer assistants at the course, presenting my dilemma, and after a bit of discussion, and realizing that fear was at the base of my indecision, he simply asked, "Are you deciding or are you letting fear decide?"

I have signed up for the next course in October. Yes, I'm terrified, but I am bigger than my fear. I will do it and no doubt emerge stretched beyond my limits once again. One of the instructors asked the class at one point during the weekend, "If you are bigger than your fear, what does that look like?" I can only imagine and can't wait to find out!

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